20 July, 2006

Lesson #4- Well-Parted Hair

Usually this requires an exorbitant amount of grease. Gel does not work because your hair becomes a shell on top of your head providing a nice "Gelmut", which you most definately do not want. It is nice to have a part in your hair which is immovable, but not harder than the candy shell of an M&M. When combing after applying the grease, a 2-handed comb method is preferred as you are able to move the most hair with the most force with each stroke. Imagine the Arthur "Fonzie" Fonzarelli combing his hair. He had the right moves, but the wrong style. DO NOT REPLICATE HIS STYLE. Class is not being a greaser. If it was, I'd assign "The Outsiders" as required reading. Luckily, it is not. So, read anything by Rudyard Kipling. That man knew how to party.

Different types of parts may be applied. There is the left side, the right side, and the center. I would recommend the center for people with curly hair, as you would look like Alfalfa when he got all cleaned up...and that makes me laugh. The side parts can only be used with people whose hair is long enough to do it. If you have black strait hair and a "toothbrush" moustache, please avoid from parting your hair at all. You may end up looking like Charlie Chaplin or Adolf Hitler. Many people are offended by this, present company included. Personally, I think Charlie Chaplin will burn in the fires of hell for all eternity. Try wearing a hat. Avoid antique 3rd Reich hats. They don't match.

1 comment:

Eric Reckman said...

Well Slovin, it's obvious from your blog that you're either reading or have recently read A Cenfederacy of Dunces. So, not only are you following Rudolph's advice and styling yourself after me, you're also immitating Toole. Nevertheless, it is an impresseve immitation - in the first couple entries at least. But if you're trying to remain discrete about your origins, I suggest you tone it down a bit.