21 July, 2006

Lesson #5- Suspenders

These wonderful ladies hold your pants up while you complain about Boss Tweed or the Union Leader breathing down your neck, all while you escape the constricting confines of the leather belt strap. Imagine the belt, always forcing you to think horizontally. With suspenders, you create a vertical view, trying to keep your pants UP rather than TAUT.

Remember how much you hate the cummerbund? Those ugly weird pleated midriff belts were made for tuxedos WITHOUT suspenders. You can't wear both. It's suspenders or a broad black sash draped 'cross your naval section. Choose wisely. But let me inform you upon this fact. Cummerbunds were invented by a cockney. Those east-enders from the St. Mary-le-Bow, invented that waist accessory whilst listening to the Bow Bells. Now THAT is having little class, my friends. I scoff.

Suspenders. Because your dad can't beat you with them as well as the belt.

3 comments:

Eric Reckman said...

Toole write that book in 1963. And he's dead now. He killed himself.

And you've totally read it.

crappy said...

All very amusing, for which we have to thank Toole, it seems. How old are you, Zach ?

Zachariah Chiam Zev said...

I'm 20, but it says that in my profile. Eric doesn't seem to believe me, or he is in doubt, but I have not read Toole. By the way, Eric, I just saw "A Scanner Darkly", and you have to see it when you get back from Chile. Very good film.